Who's That Fat Kid?
by Stumpilicious
Summary: Dudley's a muggle born wizard.  Harry and him go to Hogwarts.  What house are they in?  Pairings?  Freinds?  This is a random plot bunny with a Jet Ski and way too much suger.  NO BOYXBOY, and no lemons until at least 5th year.  Rating may go up later.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to chapter 1 of WTFK, or Who's That Fat Kid! This story is my third baby, and the only baby where no plot has even taken shape yet, so this will probably be my best or worst project. And the most consistently updated because that's how everything in my life goes. I just wing it. If you want to see Ron/Dumbledore/Ginny/The Weaslys/Hermione artistically castrated in this story, I suggest you don't read. I like most of them, although Molly is kinda annoying till book seven when she kills Lestrange. Well. Here. We. GO! Most of the first chapter will be copied almost word for word from the book. Maybe, not sure how long I'll make this chapter.

Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley and seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, thee had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-coloured bonnets- but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blonde boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.

Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep for the moment, but not for long. His aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made the first noise of the day.

"Up! Get up! Now!"

_'Shit'_! Thought ten year old Harry. Why me? I hate these people. I get hit, and yelled at and pushed around why? Because they're not my parents. Parents died in a car crash. '_Thanks a lot guys!' , _he thought sarcastically.

"UP!"

He got out of his bed underneath the stairs, pulled on some clothes, and walked out of his "room". He lived in a spider infested, dusty little cupboard under the stairs.

Vernon Dursley was sitting at the table reading the paper, his wife, Petunia was drinking tea, and their...ahem, _large_ son Dudley was waiting to eat.

"Don't burn the bacon, boy." _'I have a freaking name!' _"I don't want anything to ruin Dudley's birthday."

_'Son of a bitch!' _ "Yes sir."

Dudley was complaining about not getting enough presents when the phone rang. Petunia answered. Walked into the living room in a quiet conversation. She hung up and said, "Bad news, Mrs. Figg broke her leg and can't look after the boy."

Dudley looked on in horror. "I don't want h-him to come. He a-always s-s-spoils everything!" He began to bawl. He wasn't really crying. He just learned that when he screwed his eyes shut and screamed, he would get what he wants. Long story short, Harry got to go to the zoo. He trailed a good bit behind Dudley. If Dudley didn't see Harry, he wouldn't get mad, and wouldn't hit Harry.

After seeing Dudley move on past a large sleeping boa constrictor, Harry went up to look. The snake looked at him and nodded towards Dudley as if to say "_I get that all the time". _Harry nodded in understanding. He and the snake had a nice conversation where Harry would talk and the snake would move its head or tails to respond.

Dudley came running up and pushed Harry down. "Look at this! Look at the snake! He was talking to Harry! Come on snake! Talk to me!"

Harry was livid. He was so mad, it took him a moment to realize that the glass keeping the boa constrictor locked up was gone, and dudley was being attacked by a snake. The snake left before looking at Harry and hissing _"Thanksssss amigo."_

Harry had a week with no dinner locked in his cupboard. Once he finally got out, he was getting his clothes dyed by his aunt, while Dudley was wearing a hideous set of clothes. A maroon tailcoat, Orange shorts, and a straw hat. That was the uniform and Smelting's private school. Harry struggled not to laugh at his cousin's outfit.

"Dudley get the mail." Vernon ordered.

"Make Harry get it." Replied the rotund boy.

"Boy, get the mail." Vernon amended

"Make Dudley get it." Said Harry

"Hit him with your smelting stick Dudley."

Harry got up and picked up the mail, rifling through it. "Bill, bill, letter from that bitch Marge, bill, bill... What the?" He saw a letter adressed to him, and a nearly identical letter adressed to his fat cousin. He walked in and handed the mail, minus his and Dudley's letters, to his uncle.

"What is that boy?"

"A letter adressed to me. Dudley got one too."

"Must be for some stupid school club they have at the public school. I didn't tell them Dudely's leaving..."

He stopped just as Dudley passed out and Harry dropped his letter.

"What's the matter boys... PETUNIA, LOOK AT THIS!"

He looked at the letters. Both said about the same thing.

Dear Harry Potter/ Dudley Durley,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall,

Deputy Headmistress.

"Well...Fuck."

They sent a letter and on July 28th a woman came to the door. She was an older woman with a stern gaze and besides that looked normal. She wore a plain green dress that stopped just above her ankles, and looked every bit the part of an old woman off to see her grand-nieces or grand-nephews.

She knocked on the door, was invited in, then rudely demanded by Vernon, "What is the meaning of this? I thought you freaks were born only when your kind breeds!"

McGonagall was not happy. "First of all, do not insult me. Second of all, no, some children are born magical with neither parents being. Lastly, Harry, will come with me, I can't force you to give up your child, but your Nephew is coming, weather you like it or not. Where is he?"

"BOY! Get your freak ass down here!"

"Yes uncle?"

"This woman is taking you to your weirdo school. Dudley will not be going. Now get your things and get out."

McGonagall said, "At the end of term, he will be coming back. If it were up to me, he would live somewhere else, but it isn't up to me."

Harry just siged, "I guess leaving for good was too much to ask for. Alright, I'll get my stuff."

As Harry walked up, he saw Dudley walk down. As he packed he heard an argument. It got louder and louder until Harry heard Dudley yell, "I'M GOING!"

Harry ran down the stairs with his trunk, "What? Please no! I can't stand another year with you. Please."

"Sorry Harry," Dudley actually said sincerely, "but this sounds way to cool to pass up."

Harry looked at Dudley, "Try to pull any of the crap you pulled here, and I will destroy you. I don't know how, or when, but it will happen."

Dudley smirked and nodded.

Vernon said, "Fine, but when you're here, none of your freaky stuff. I'll take you to king's cross on the first, but neither one of you are going to talk about your weirdo school, got it?"

Both boys nodded. Three days later, Harry, and Dudley were out shopping for their things with McGonagall. After meeting Ollivander and they got their wands, (Harry got a Holly with pheonix feather core, while Dudley got Maple and unicorn hair), they went to get their robes. While there they saw an old woman escorting a young, slightly large, but not Dudley sized through the area.

McGonagall spoke up, "Hello Miss Longbottom. How are you and young Neville?"

"Fine." the old woman spoke curtly. "I'm afraid Neville lost his toad, Trevor... again."

"Sorry Gran." the boy sighed.

After bidding the Longbottoms goodbye. They got their robes, books, etc. and were done with their shopping. McGonagall said, "Harry, your parents left you some money, so before you go to hogwarts, you will get 100 Galleons, 200 Sickles, and 327 Knuts."

_'327? What a weird number.'_

On September 1st, once again accomponied by McGonagall, they arrived at Platform 9¾ and began to board the train.

**Okay, what happens next is mostly up to you. How does the train ride go? What house is Dudley in? Is he good or bad? Etc, etc. Seriously, I told you. This story is a plot bunny with a jet ski and red bull. Making shit up as I go. Please review. If no one reveiws I can't continue my story. Literally, I'm trusting all of you to help me out. Parings too. Btw, NO YAOI. You're username will make an apperance in the next chapter, and Dudley might punch you. Thanks.**


	2. Sorry

Ok, I know you all thought I was dead. No I'm alive, but I'm afraid this story, and the rest of my stories, are all dead. I'm kind of an idiot and thought that a decent idea could make a good story. I was wrong. My ideas, while decent, had no direction, and I couldn't seem to find anything. So I am putting up SoK, and A:TLH up for adoption. WTFK, might as well not exist, plus, I found a fic that also has the same basic premise, and has a better writer. The fic is called "Magical Relations", by evansentranced I suggest reading it. I am beginning a new story though, this time a Naruto fic I haven't named, with one small tweak everyones already seen, but I'm not telling. Thank you for your time, and I apologize if anyone actually cares.


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